The Essentials of Languages
English is essentially Anglo-Saxon with all the cool bits taken out.
English is essentially Pictish that was attacked out of nowhere by Angles cohabiting with Teutons who were done in by a drunk bunch of Vikings masquerading as Frenchmen who insisted they spoke Latin and Greek but lacked the Arabic in which to convey that.
Inglish iz issenshali a langwidje dhat, wen rittun fonetkli, iz ilejibul tu netiv spikerz.
Spanish is essentially Italian spoken by Arabs.
Argentinean is essentially Italian spoken so that other South Americans can catch on.
Classical Latin is essentially an artificial language devised to make the vulgar Roman aristocracy sound intelligent.
Franche est essentialement englaishe ouithe les endinges funnies et lottes de vowelles et les adjectifs en alle les places ronges.
Brazilian is essentially Spanish spoken by Portuguese hot babes with rhythm.
Brazilian is essentially a conlang created by people who wanted to have sex all the time, but still be able to talk about everyday things.
Orkish is essentially Klingon as spoken by Orcs.