The Essentials of Languages
I had found this page long ago, but forgot about it until seeing it linked in The Valve now. It is a collection of funny Essentialist Explanations about languages. Some of my favourites:
English is essentially Anglo-Saxon with all the cool bits taken out.
English is essentially Pictish that was attacked out of nowhere by Angles cohabiting with Teutons who were done in by a drunk bunch of Vikings masquerading as Frenchmen who insisted they spoke Latin and Greek but lacked the Arabic in which to convey that.
Inglish iz issenshali a langwidje dhat, wen rittun fonetkli, iz ilejibul tu netiv spikerz.
Spanish is essentially Italian spoken by Arabs.
Argentinean is essentially Italian spoken so that other South Americans can catch on.
Classical Latin is essentially an artificial language devised to make the vulgar Roman aristocracy sound intelligent.
Franche est essentialement englaishe ouithe les endinges funnies et lottes de vowelles et les adjectifs en alle les places ronges.
Brazilian is essentially Spanish spoken by Portuguese hot babes with rhythm.
Brazilian is essentially a conlang created by people who wanted to have sex all the time, but still be able to talk about everyday things.
Orkish is essentially Klingon as spoken by Orcs.
English is essentially Anglo-Saxon with all the cool bits taken out.
English is essentially Pictish that was attacked out of nowhere by Angles cohabiting with Teutons who were done in by a drunk bunch of Vikings masquerading as Frenchmen who insisted they spoke Latin and Greek but lacked the Arabic in which to convey that.
Inglish iz issenshali a langwidje dhat, wen rittun fonetkli, iz ilejibul tu netiv spikerz.
Spanish is essentially Italian spoken by Arabs.
Argentinean is essentially Italian spoken so that other South Americans can catch on.
Classical Latin is essentially an artificial language devised to make the vulgar Roman aristocracy sound intelligent.
Franche est essentialement englaishe ouithe les endinges funnies et lottes de vowelles et les adjectifs en alle les places ronges.
Brazilian is essentially Spanish spoken by Portuguese hot babes with rhythm.
Brazilian is essentially a conlang created by people who wanted to have sex all the time, but still be able to talk about everyday things.
Orkish is essentially Klingon as spoken by Orcs.
posted by Alejandro at
4:27 PM
4 Comments:
:-)
Look at this (can't remember where it came from)
European Union's Official Language
New EC Regulations
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish": --
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil sevants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"'s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away.
By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
By
Sabine Hossenfelder, at 3:48 PM, July 18, 2006
Ahahahahaha... There is a similar one about Spanish that I have recieved many times by email:
http://www.sirenalatina.com/sirena/umorismo/umorismo5.htm
which you might enjoy if you understand Spanish. There is an inspired bit at the end, after all the horrible ortographical changes have been made, about never resigning to external pressure to erase from the language the letter "ñ", proud symbol of the Hispanic Tradition...
By
Alejandro, at 4:29 PM, July 18, 2006
sorry, I don't speak Spanish... always wanted to learn it, never had the time though. Would have been handy in AZ. Best, B.
By
Sabine Hossenfelder, at 4:08 AM, July 19, 2006
indeed... it's been so delightful, as a spanish speaker, to learn brazilian portuguese...
By
Anonymous, at 12:08 AM, August 02, 2006
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